Dr. Forbush Thinks

Logically I know that no one is immortal. Personally, I know that I am not invincible. But, sometimes something gets into your head and you do something that your rational self would never let you do. Then after the inevitable disaster strikes you realize how stupid you were for not listening to yourself.

Well, this happened to me about a month ago, in grand form. I have been too embarrassed to write about it, but now I have come to look back on it and laugh.

When the kids were off from school for Easter break we decided to take in some family activities. We did things that we love to do, but generally have a hard time finding that time to do them. We went to the beach at low tide and hunted in the tide pools for starfish, sea urchins and other interesting sea life. We went to the Art Museum to admire the talent and imagination that humanity has to offer. And, we went ice-skating.

I actually hadn’t been ice-skating for about ten years. The last time we went the kids that we did have were very young and unstable on the ice. I spent most of my time holding them up and pulling them around the rink. Now, however, I had teenaged children and a new body that could do some of the things I couldn’t have imagined doing ten years ago when I was over weight and out of shape.

As our family emerged out on the ice most of us were quite wobbly. One of my daughters had more experience out on the ice than the rest of us, because she had spent a few hours at a birthday party held at a skating rink. I slowly began to remember my balance, starting and stopping skills. I actually hadn’t done a lot of ice skating as a youngster. However, I did my share of roller-skating throughout the years, so the ice wasn’t completely new to me.

As I became more stable I began to try some of the things that I had done when I was in High School. I slowly increased my speed and I started to skate backward around the rink. I was being a responsible adult among a sea of kids, until a couple of teenaged hockey players came out on the ice in their pads and helmets. They began practicing some speed drills and quick stops. Unfortunately I began to watch them more carefully and it looked like it might be a lot of fun.

I began to do some quick starts and stops. Of course, as I increased my speed I became wobbly once again. I practiced this a little, but I kept adding speed. I hadn’t fallen, so I figured that I wasn’t too far off the mark After all, how can you improve if you don’t reach for your limits. This rationalization made sense to my brain that was already critically warped by speed.

Once the dominos were all lined up there wasn’t anything that could stop me from falling down. I started out going around the end of the rink picking up speed. And there was a long straight away as I came out of it. “How fast could I go?” I thought to myself. I picked up speed and my heart began to pump. But this was a breeze for someone who could now run a 10K three times a week. Unfortunately finesse and aerobic fitness do not come in the same package. My skate began to wobble and I over corrected. My body went flying forward through the air. Fortunately no one was in front of me. I landed hard right on my elbows. And both of my elbows hurt quite a bit. I got up and looked around. Everything was blurry. Did I bang my head? Did I have brain damage? No, I just lost my glasses. I turned around and saw them lying on the ice. They were bent, but not broken, just like me. After that and some previous exertion I noticed that I had become quite warm, so I removed the jacket that I was wearing. I skated around the rink, found my wife and told her about my wipe out. I pledged to slow down and concentrate on finesse instead of speed for a while. My sore elbows emphasized that desire.

I skated around working on my backward skating and I talked to my wife. I lost my need for speed, and I was happy but my elbows continued to hurt. Some ten or fifteen minutes later my wife suddenly said, “What’s wrong with your arm?”

“I told you about the crash and burn on my elbows. Why?”

“Well, your shirt is covered in blood.”
I began to wonder how I could have cut myself. I was wearing a leather coat. So even if I hit something sharp on the ice, how could I have been cut without ripping my coat? I wondered about that as I went into the men’s room to look at the damage in the mirror. I had a gash about 0.75 inches long and about a half inch deep. I put a paper towel on it and left the men’s room. And as I watched the kids continue to skate for another 45 minutes. But my arm continued to bleed. When the public skating session was over my wife, the CERT in the family said, “It hasn’t stopped bleeding in over an hour. You need stitches.”

Of course I became embarrassed immediately. How could this small indiscretion, my need for speed, turned into a trip to the doctor? I wrestled with the concept of getting sutures for a tiny cut like this. Being on my elbow, it would continue to open every time I bent my elbow. It wouldn’t stop bleeding. Obviously there was only one solution that made sense. And, since it was now After five o’clock we opted for a trip to the urgent care.

I didn’t want the doctor to laugh at me, but I knew that when I told him what had happened she would. Maybe if a nurse checked it out first? Then he would just put a Band-Aid on it and be done. No, she just said that it looked like it might need sutures, but the doctor would decide for certain. He took my vital signs, and discovered that my pulse was 43 beats per minute. He asked me if I exercised regularly. To which I told him that I did. “But, is your pulse normally this low?”

“I have seen it this low before, but normally it is a bit higher. Maybe 50 or so.”

I was told that I needed a tetanus vaccination, which would be painful. Like I didn’t have enough pain already! But, better do what the doctor (or nurse) says. Right? Well, the doctor wasn’t quite available yet. I’d just have to wait. And, a few hours later I had two sutures in punishment for my little indiscretion. Maybe the social conservatives are right. Maybe people should be punished for their indiscretions.

No, that doesn’t make any sense.





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Don't forget what Stephen Colbert said, "Reality has a well-known liberal bias."


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